


aoi needs therapy

by pagel_paul



Category: 7 years from now
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insanity, Self-Harm, Time Travel, aoi loves haruto, but platonically maybe, character exploration i think, haruto soraki is a good friend, its complicated, repetitive actions, self depricating thoughts, tally marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22868029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pagel_paul/pseuds/pagel_paul
Summary: basically what the title says. i couldn't think of a better name.anyways, wrote this because theres *no* way aoi stayed sane after 17711 timeleaps.please read the tags before reading! this does contain some triggering content!
Relationships: Haruto Soraki & Aoi Aihana
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OUGHH.. first chap :'). you guys should really play 7yfn it is a very good game
> 
> //Update june/3/2020: made the whole thing easier to read. i was still getting used to ao3 formatting so.. it looks better now

_"Hey, Aoi! 7 years from now, let's meet up again, in this same place!"_

I could still hear those words clearly. His cheerful voice, back when everything was alright, and our biggest worries were if the hospital food was good or not. I'm determined to go back to those days - I want to see his smiling face again, talk about people we liked, take pictures, and see the stars together. please please please please let me see him again. please I just want to talk to him, please, God, why did it have to be us for that experiment? Was it chance? Luck? Were we special? I've tried everything. not pressing the button, pressing all the buttons, not giving him the antidote - although I felt quite bad, even though it didn't make a difference. He always died.

Why him, God? He had his whole life ahead of him. Stupid, selfish, haruto, who would sacrifice his life for a meaningless girl like me. But I know I would've done the same - which is why I haven't given up. How many times has it been? Hundreds? I took a look at the tally marks on the paper. They gave me a headache. Timeleaping always made me nauseous, getting sick would just be the icing on the cake. Still, in the off chance haruto remembers who I am, and remembers our promise, I hope he's doing the same thing I am. Actually, on second thought…

I glanced down at the paper again. No, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. This is torture. Doing the same thing hundreds of times, hoping, praying, that something changes everytime. No, I hope he's moved on. Married a nice girl, had a few kids, maybe working as an artist or a businessman, and completely forgot about that weird girl from the hospital.

I couldn't forget. This is my life now. I'm destined to be stuck in a timeloop, where nothing ever changes, no matter how hard I try. Someone - I don't know who, maybe my old friend - once told me "Aoi, you've gotta remember this! There's always something worth fighting for! Never give up, never lose hope!" It's one of the few words that still sticks with me, even after all this time. I've long forgotten the voice, but they're right. Right now, I'm fighting to see haruto again, to see the sparkle in his eye when he talks about video games, to make fun of his stupid hair that defies the laws of gravity. This is my own personal hell, and I'm going to make the best out of it! I start humming a little tune, title forgotten a long time ago, and skip out to the hallway. I _will_ see him again!

I took the tally mark paper out of the drawer, and added another one. As I was counting them, I discovered a "pleasant" surprise.

"Hey, this is my 1000th time trying this! Maybe that will mean something."

I said, to no one in particular, not like anyone was around to hear. It's been a thousand times, huh. How many days have passed? Months? Years? What if when I finally meet haruto, I'll look like a grandma? I plucked a hair out of my scalp, relieved it was still blonde, and not old lady silver. I eft the hair next to the tally mark paper, and decided that i would check if i had been aging every ten tries or so. "It's for science," I told myself, and went on my merry way, to do the same thing over and over.

**1001 1002 1003 1004 1005 1006 1007 1008 1009 1010 1011 1012 1013 1014 1015 1016 1017 1018 1019 1020 1021 1022 1023 1024 1025 1026 1027 1028 1029 1030 1031 1032 1033 1034 1035 1036 1037 1038 1039 1040 1041 1042 1043 1044 1045 1046 1047 1048 1049 1050…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for self harm and aoi being Kinda Weird(tm)

"dear diary!" i said in a loud, mocking voice. "i've hit my 1050th try today! please clap, please celebrate for me, lil' ol' aoi!"

if i could go back and slap the aoi from the past, i would.  _ what  _ was all that bullshit about never giving up? no way she actually believed that. i'm completely hopeless. i've trapped myself in a timeloop for a guy who probably wouldn't do the same for me. oh, classic stupid aoi! i've fully accepted reality! i'm not living in a childish illusion anymore! i pulled out a hair from my scalp and placed it next to 49 others. then i pulled out another, then another. sure, it would mess up the "experiment data", but what's the point of an experiment if no one's around to see the results? i kept pulling hair out, and i laughed. oh god, did i laugh! laughed at how absurd this situation was, laughed at how silly i was, preaching about "never giving up". eventually, my hands moved to my thighs. i scratched and scratched and scratched and scratched until i was bleeding.

"see, i'm a new girl! bet the old, positive, aoi couldn't have done this! that pussy would've fainted at the sight of blood!" 

i laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed until i ran out of air and had to stop to breathe. oh, that was the most alive i've felt in - days? weeks? months? years? ever since i started doing this horrible timeloop, hoping to save a guy who probably most definetely forgot about me. i calmed down, and for the first time, i made a note on the tally mark paper. on the bottom left i wrote:

_ 1050 - i think i'm going insane. _


	3. Chapter 3

the next leap, my thighs were still scarred - would haruto like a girl who mutilated her own body? would these scars ever fade? i'm still not sure how time works here. it's actually refreshing to have given up. i'm not doing this for anyone except myself now. i could teach myself how to do anything. i could finally live my life and seize the moment! still, i couldn't deny, there was a part of my brain that missed haruto. oh, i missed him so much! i wish we could talk again, tell him all the things i didn't tell him before. how much he means to me, how he's made my life so much better. i need to stop lying to myself - i still care about him, deeply. his name echoed in my head as i tallied the skips.  _ haruto, you dummy, i'm doing this for you. _

i haven't counted the tally marks in a while. i'm guessing this is my 2000th, maybe 2500th, leap. i think my memory is failing me. i don't remember the names of my old friends. i don't remember the name of the hospital, the doctors, the nurses. i decided to make a list in a small corner of the tallying paper. i write things that i know for a fact:

**-** _ my name is aoi aihana _

**_-_ ** _ i made a promise with a boy named haruto _

**_-_ ** _ i'm timeleaping in order to keep my promise _

**_-_ ** _ i had lmd. _

**_-_ ** _ haruto's dead, i think. _

i'm so tired. i'm so tired of doing this, the same thing everytime. if i haven't completely lost it by the time i find him, which isn't very likely, judging by how my mental health is declining, he better give me a nice, long hug. and get me therapy. it wouldn't hurt if i just.. laid down.. and took a nap. i don't think i need to sleep, eat or drink here. i don't get physically tired or hungry. still, i closed my eyes and drifted off. i didn't want to deal with my problems, so i went to sleep. oh, classic stupid aoi, when will you learn?


	4. Chapter 4

i wrote another note when i hit 10,000. 

_ 10,000 - this is hopeless.  _

i just wish i could feel something, anything. i've tried hurting myself again, but it was only dull pain. for a few leaps now, there has only been one thought in my head.

_ do it for him do it for him do it for him do it for him do it for him do it for him _

i don't think i'm capable of emotions anymore. i think.. i'm broken. all this time leaping has destroyed my spirit, my soul, my hope. if it keeps up like this, i'll destroy my own body. there's no more space for new scratches on my thighs, so i've moved on to my arms. they look so ugly, my body looks so ugly. why did i have to ruin it? haruto will hate me. i'm pretty sure he already hates me. that's ok, i don't blame him. i'm not worthy of love, after all. 

please. i just want this to end. i've forgetten almost everything from my past now. i had some friends, right? what were their names again? did i have parents? was i an orphan? what things did i like doing? what was my favorite food?

_ i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know do it for him do it for him do it for him do it for him do it for him do it for _

i feel sick. I'm so, so tired of this. how many days have passed? years, maybe? i miss my old life. i should have never started time leaping in the first place. i'm no longer tallying on the paper. i find that my body is much more suitable for this kind of thing. at least i have some sort of use, apart from driving myself insane for people i've long forgotten. if i may confess, i don't remember much about haruto except his name. i don't remember how he looked like, don't remember how he acted like. was he a massive douchebag? who knows! certainly not me. i read the list of things that are 100% sure certain every other leap. really, it's my only sense of identity. if old me was lying, made that list as a joke, i couldn't tell. my name is aoi aihana i repeat to myself, over and over. it was.. strangely comforting. i tally my leaps - 17700. 

**17701 17702 17703 17704 17705 17706 17707 17708 17709 17710**

my limbs are completely mutilated. it hurts to stand up, it hurts to walk. isn't it funny that i did this to myself? i guess my greatest enemy wasn't haruto or some long forgotten doctors at the hospital - it was me. i throw my head back and laugh, laugh like i've never laughed before. my voice is raspy and rough, but i'm having the time of my life. i can't stop laughing! now that i think about it, i like being here. i can be as loud and as annoying as possible, and no one would care. ah, maybe this place isn't so bad! i can start a whole new life, and i don't have to worry about regrets, cuz i don't remember anything anyways! ecstatic to start working on my new life, i drift off to sleep and leap again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter lets go gamers

alright, 17711, it's my time to shine! i make a new mark on my forehead - i ran out of space in my arms a long time ago - and exit the experiment room.

and there, for the first time in 17711 long, long, leaps, i see another person. 

"AOI! is that you?"

he yells, running towards me. i don't recognize him. he seems to be about my age - physical age, at least. his brown hair is standing up in a weird spike. who is this guy? how does he know my name?

"aoi! i've missed you so much!"

he's in front of my face, too close, i can hear his breathing, who is he, too close too close too close too close

"aoi..."

his voice brings me back to reality. talk first, ask questions later.

"aoi, you're bleeding!" 

he wipes his thumb across my forehead, and shows it to me, covered in blood. i didn't know i had cut that deep. my sense of pain really is numbed.

"haha, yeah. that must have been from the tally marks."

he frowned and sat down on the hallway floor. i took this as an invitation to sit down next to him.

"aoi! it's me, haruto! are you alright? you seem.. distant?"

oh, so i've definetely completely lost it. now i'm full on hallucinating. i bury my head in his shoulder - he seems weirdly solid for a hallucination. 

and i start to cry.

"haruto.. i know you're not real, but i'll tell you all the things i've wanted to tell the real haruto. i'll try to keep it short and simple, so you don't fade before i finish."

the hallucination cocked its head in a mixture of surprise and worry.

"aoi, i'm real-"

"shh, let me speak."

i cleared my throat and wipe away my tears. i have to be strong. 

"dear haruto. i don't really think i can describe how much you mean to me with only words. you've kept me from going insane - no, that already happened a long time ago. you've kept me going. i've been trying for so long to find you, to save you. i've lost my sense of identity, but i've always remembered your name, and that promise we made. it's been 17711 long, painful, torturous leaps, god knows how many more until i find the real you. but a memory of you has always been there. you are the only reason that i haven't killed myself yet. i love you, and i miss you."

i stand up and offer the hallucination a hand. it seems to be crying, which i guess is just my brain projecting. but my tears come back full force, we're both standing there, in the middle of an empty hallway, interlocked in a messy embrace.

_ oh, how i wish this was real _

he held my face sternly and looked me in the eyes. hey, we're still the same height!

"aoi. listen to me."

i gulped and closed my eyes. he cleared his throat, and in a much more high pitched voice, said:

"i'll meet you here, 7 years from now!"

my eyes flew open. it was like.. coloring in a black and white drawing. i didn't even realize how monotone the world was until now - only dull, muted shades of colours. now, everything was so much more saturated, more colorful, more free, more fun. i wasn't hallucinating. 

memories came flooding back. i remember names now - saki, honoka, riku, kakeru - all of these people were my friends. i remembered the great times we had together, all of us sick kids stuck in a hospital. and i laughed, out of a mixture of relief and pure, unbridled happiness. how could i ever have forgotten this stupid guy's hair and his stupid promise? i couldn't stop laughing, but it wasn't for a negative reason this time. it was out of.. love for the world, love for whatever god took pity on me and made haruto find me. love for the man standing in front of me. 

"haruto, i - i love you. i don't know if in a romantic or platonic sense, we'll figure that out in due time - but i love you. i love you so much."

he smiled a gentle, knowing smile. "i love you too, aoi."

those words - those words were what i needed to hear all this time. i had been so hard on myself. i had never looked at myself and said "i love you, aoi." 

i could repeat those words over and over and i could never get tired of them. and so i did, i screamed at the top of my lungs.

"HEY! IF ANYONE'S HEARING THIS.. ANY GOD OR WHATEVER. LET THE WORLD KNOW! I, AOI AIHANA, LOVE HARUTO SORAKI!"

he stuck his fingers in his ears - i guess i was too loud, but god damn, was it worth it. he eyed me up and down, and frowned.

"hey, aoi, these scars... who beat you up?!?"

i cringed. god bless this guy and his talent to both make me feel like the luckiest person alive and the shittiest person alive.

"uh, i did those to myself." i whispered.

i showed him my nails. there were pieces of flesh under them, from many, many timeleaps ago. he grimaced and looked away.

"haha, yeah. i've kinda gone insane, but so would anyone who's timeleaped 17711 times, don't you think? speaking of, how did you find me? oh, we've got so much to discuss!"

he frowned, like it was obvious i was trying to change the subject. still, he made me happy and talked to me. we talked about a little bit of everything. it must've been hours, maybe days, i'm still not sure how time works here. we moved around the hallway, i showed him my original tally mark paper. he told me about things that had been going on while i was leaping, he told me about modern shows and anime and movies, he told me about brand new phones and computers. i showed him my hair experiment, and remembered something i had thought many leaps ago.

"what's the point of an experiment if you've got no one to share the results with?"

take that, old aoi. bet you never thought you would end up like this, huh? 

we talked and played games, haruto was much better at tic tac toe than i was. we slept on top of eachother, next to eachother. we talked about our favorite foods and our experiences being apart. for the first time in a very long time, i felt like i was home. 

"haruto, i can't stop saying it! i love you, i love you so much!"

he laughed. "i love you too, aoi! i love you even more!" 

after a few hours, days, months - who knows, we ran out of conversation topics. we had done everything we could in such a small, crammed space, and we were debating what to do next.

"i don't think there's any way to get out of here that doesn't involve death." i confessed to him. after all, i've tried multiple times. 

he looked confused, but then smiled.

"that's alright. i've been thinking about it a while, and i think we're like, soulmates or something. not in a romantic way, i guess, but more like we're spiritually connected."

i nodded to show him that i follow.

"and-" he took a deep breath "- i think that we'll meet again. i'm not even sure if reincarnation is real, or if there's an afterlife, but i'm 100% sure that we'll meet again after we're both no longer aoi aihana and haruto soraki. maybe we'll be a pair of buddhist monks, or two birds, or two stars, but i think - no, i know that we are connected. so what i'm saying is..."

he stood up and twirled around for a bit, then stretched out his hand. "wanna die together, miss aihana?" 

i giggled like a schoolgirl. it shouldn't have made sense, but i understand it perfectly. haruto and i are deeply connected. i took his hand, and in an exxagerated bow, said: 

"of course, mister soraki."

we laughed. a bittersweet laugh, for we would be no more. laying down on the hard concrete, we closed our eyes. i could feel his hand tracing my scars, and i squeezed it. we drifted off into a cold, dreamless sleep. only god would know if we woke up.

and i did it all for  _ him _ .

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! this is my first finished fic in a.. long ass time, and my first fic on this website! please play 7yfn  
> also PLEASE point out any typos you see,, english isnt my first language


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